so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
