6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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