Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
