Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
