i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
