Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
