Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
