I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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