It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
