Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
