I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
