Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
