I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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