Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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