Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
