When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize