I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
