Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
