Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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