I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
