I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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