True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
