Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
