when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
