with your own penis?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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