So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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