the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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