you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
