Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
