I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
And then he peed in my hair
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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