He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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