she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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