she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
