My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
