Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
