My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
