I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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