making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
