I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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