I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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