My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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