she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
