I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
