I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
