So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
