i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
