I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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