guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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