We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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