my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
