He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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