At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
