i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
