3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
