she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
