Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
