I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
