God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
