I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
