If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
