my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
