the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
