My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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