I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
