Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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